Monthly Archives: December 2009

Not that it helps with my question, but I found the connections between to formulas E=(change in V)/d and E=F/d. Actually I think most of the transition was in my notes and I just didn’t realize it. A moment of clarity and understanding none the less, and I will be proud of it.

This is the poem…


A bomb is buried in the center of my heart
I’m set on self destroy
And they did it

Acid is running through my veins
Boiling the blood in my brain
My skin is searing hot to the touch
Sweat is running in to my eyes

I wonder if the last breaths of a murdered man
Are as shaky
As the breaths of his murder before the deed is done.

Why me?
Why don’t they care?
What did I do wrong?

They through me in the cage,
But I tossed away the key,
I gave them the power.

Now the tears come
Icy cold, silky smooth droplets mix with my sweat.

Hot and cold.

Violent sobs scrape through my defiantly pursed lips
I strangle my own cries.
Because they forgot to tell me I’m ok.

Sometimes I feel like crying when anyone is sweet or sincere or tender towards me. They’re the smallest moments, probably seen as inconsequential from the outside. But it’s like this poem I wrote when I was sad and lonely and confused. The last line was “you forgot to tell me I’m okay.” but now I’ve been told. Maybe it shouldn’t matter so much, what someone tells me, and I’ve always tried to say it doesn’t, but thats not entirely true. No matter how stubbornly I refuse to change to fit in, to attempt to fit in, I still want to sometimes. I felt so alone for a while, it was like I was starving, starving, starving. I was afraid to answer questions in class even when I knew them because I thought my voice would sound weird, that someone would pounce and tell me to get out. And I rationalized, I said they wouldn’t, but the truth was that it wasn’t rational, they weren’t rational and they tried to beat me down anyways. And sometimes when it hits me that things are different now and I can’t help but sob, because there isn’t anything wrong with me, not like they tried to convince me there was. Sometimes I wish I had done this a long time ago, tried something new, anything, but then I think about how I struggled and where that brought me, and I’m glad that things are the way they are now, and I know that changing the path would change the destination too and I don’t want that. And I’m okay. Thank you.

It doesn’t matter if it’s straight, it’s on Seth’s locker.

Mike Klassen (while we were adding ribbons to Seth’s wrapped locker)

I <3 You




Night Sky Black & White (via BrendanDavey)

There was a picture similar to this in Scratch. It’s been driving me crazy, how do you do that to the sky?!

(via mildlyannoyedrabbit)

This captures a strong unexplainable feeling I had when I’m younger. I still get it sometimes, for fleeting moments, it’s good to remember

Erik, Mike and I

Tonight’s dance party was fun. I was almost surprised I didn’t know everyone there, but it was a nice mix of people, the space was good, and Seth is an awesome DJ (and person in general.) I think I had a bit more fun than I did at the school dance. Kurtis and Erik had a brutal arm wrestling match that lasted several minutes. I could beat Kurtis afterwards since he was worn down! Various people got shut in to the room drinks were in which was entertaining. There were more songs I knew, and me and Stef both requested fireflies. Lots of funny pictures were taken, and some were ruined by hands and faces stuck in front of lenses. Seth played a part of A Very Potter Musical! There was some tickling going on. There wasn’t a cake, but it wasn’t needed, we still should have sung Happy Birthday though. One last thing that makes this dance better than the school one, way more of my friends were there, like almost all of them. 🙂