Me: You can do this!
Me: Yes I can.
I failed my calculus midterm. It’s a really hard thing to move past, as the material was not so far beyond my grasp, and it was not exceedingly difficult, I just did a poor job of studying and didn’t refresh the section that most of the exam was on. I should have done the practice exam. This is probably the worst score I’ll have gotten on any test ever. I don’t feel like I did anywhere near my best. I’m just sad. Not just sad, I feel ashamed. I mean, if I had done my best, then at least I could be satisfied in that, that I had put in effort, exhausted myself, done all that I could have done and worked through it. But this, I don’t even feel good about it being over. I just feel sick and weary. I’m not prepared for the three other midterms that are approaching either. I am tired and worn out, but unjustifiably so. I mean, what did I do that was so hard that I am deserving of whining? I just want to sleep and cuddle and draw and watch happy movies.
Part 1: Today’s Task
Okay, so here’s the deal, if I actually finish the quite simple task of studying for my philosophy exam, aside from the summary of the court case in mindscan by 10:30 then I give myself permission to start (although probably not finish) one of the projects on my craft list, which may or may not be shared with tumblr depending on the Christmas related secrecy of chosen project.
Part 2: Sleep and Exercise
If I go to sleep earlier then, or around 12:30 and get up before 9:30 I give myself permission to play wii for half an hour after breakfast. Although this may have to be adjusted due to Adam being back.
Part 3: Tomorrow’s Tasks
Before lunch, start and ideally complete another chapter of physics. Try to find a more, how do I say this, um QUICK, way of reviewing the textbook.
After lunch, start reviewing the first half of calculus before that exam sneaks up on me.
After arriving back in Waterloo, write a summary of the court preceding in mindscan and practice my amino acids (Don’t forget my flash cards ever again!)
Hopefully more than this will be completed, but even doing this amount will hopefully make me believe I will be able to adequately prepare myself for exams.
Part 4: Exam Protocol
Sleep by midnight, up by nine. My exam isn’t until 11, so review the prep I did for philosophy, eat breakfast etc. in between then and the exam. Also be prepared to go to the bank afterwards in order to get some bank related tasks out of the way. After the exam/bank I will reward myself with bubble tea. and possibly Chocolate. mmmmm.
That’s about as far ahead as I can think, but the basic outline for the rest of midterms is:
Study Calc and BioChem
Take Calc Exam
Take BioChem Exam
Study Materials and PHYSICS
Take Materials Exam
Take Physics Exam
*Note* The spacing between exams is not even, thus the clumping of subjects
Somewhere in there I’ll have to pack and move my stuff, get a book for the plane, read a bit of the book mom got for me, but you know, that’s the gist.
This would be easier if the internet wasn’t so fun.
Isn’t that a reverse of usual.
Have you ever been set free? I was recently. For more than a year I’ve been wrought up, tortured by things that are beyond my control. If I want to get down to brass tacks, I would say that I’ve been under an existential thumb for several years. I know – it all sounds so vague and maybe even ominous. It’s not. I just want to mark this occasion but I don’t want to dredge up the details. I am free because they no longer matter.
Also, I don’t know why I picked this picture. There is something in his expression that spoke to me. Ok, October 2011, it’s a whole new ball game or whatever metaphor does the trick.
I adore mildlyannoyedrabbit ever since Dana showed me.
Feeling pretty good tonight. I think calc tomorrow will go okay. At least, I feel more prepared then I have for the last three calc exams I’ve taken. Good enough, to sleep for eight hours, and just do some assignment questions, finish the practice midterm tomorrow. I got through all the examples in my notes, mostly by myself! I even wrote my little summaries. 🙂
I really miss conferences.
I mean school is a lot of work and I’ve been finding some time for artsy stuff lately since I was lacking that last semester, and well physical activity is still not even in the attempted pile, but there are other things I miss too.
I really like school (except this week) and I like the network of friends I’ve built in my residence, through my program, from frosh week, and St. Paul’s but I miss the type of collaboration and projects that resulted from being involved in YAC and CBT. I mean, I really love graphic facilitation, conflict resolution, public speaking, leadership training, and having a group of friends who are into that sort of thing.
My friendships here are mostly built on inside jokes, friendliness and nerdy-ness. Which is great because I have a lot in common in different areas with these friends, mostly things falling in the nerd related spectrum such as BBT and excitement over astrophysics and SEMs, but also occasionally feminism and music and slam poetry.
God I love slam poetry.
So it’s like 1:30 in the morning and I’m not sure if I was getting to a point other than that different types of relationships with different types of people have different types of value that aren’t necessarily comparable and can be equally amazing. Variety is nice. There’s a lot of things I want to do and figuring out priorities is tricky because right now I feel like writing a lot, and in general lately I’ve wanted to do creative things but exams have taken priority (and sleep is taking priority now.)
OH YEAH I DID HAVE A POINT. I think one of the reasons I’m so enthralled by the whole nerdfighter movement and community is because I would like more of those types of connections with people right now. The projects and decreasing world suck and doing things for the sake of awesome and working together + nerdiness ad social awareness and music. It’s just so many things I love and it makes me want to get more involved building bridges with people like that on the internet. I mean, it’s revolutionary and brilliant and so so positive.
Excuse this being unedited.
So, it’s exam week.
Well – that sucks. On the upside going home in less than a week and I even have a ride to the airport.
I think I pulled off over 80% on my math final. hoping, hoping, hoping that I did because it was a fair bit harder than I expected and the application questions were tricky, especially seeing that there weren’t really any of thosa on our assignments. Enough whining, time to focus on the last two Linear Algebra and Chemistry.
Yesterday after my exam Adam and Sean came over and we played Set. Keith showed up as well, of course. So the four of us played. The thing about set is that it takes a fair bit of practice to get good, but then you’re, well, set. So me and Sean who both used to play all the time CRUSHED the newbies. I won, bwahaha. Then we all chilled in Sora and Katie’s room for a while with Jeff, Dylan, Kevin and Kyle. At least until power hour was over and our don broke up the party.
My room is a mess of papers and I need to do laundry, make a Christmas card, pack, send said Christmas card, and ace, or at least do well on my two remaining exams in the next three days.
Oh, and I got a postcard from James Flynn today! Wheeee!
AND, Sean somehow stumbled on the perfect Christmas present for me, so despite math the last few days have been pretty happy. (Also heard Jason play the piano again – oh sweet summer shad memories).
Mmm, and donuts.
Okay, studytime, wish me luck tumblverse.