This video really spoke to me. I felt like I was listening to a more forthcoming and empathetic version of my inner dialogue. Different things are difficult for different people and that is something we should be accepting and supportive of. Recognizing these patterns in ourselves and forgiving ourselves for not finding something easy allows us to focus on getting better at facing those challenges, and celebrating our progress instead of beating ourselves up for not being perfect. Being empathetic to others’ challenges helps them reach the same conclusions and can give them strength to embark on those same journeys.
Today I slept in.
I got sucked into the internet and put off tasks with tight deadlines and my own organizational plans.
I find that once something has been put off for even a short period of time it’s much harder to start.
And today I have been beating myself up about this whole process, despite not feeling great physically, and dealing with some anxiety.
The phrase “it’s never too late” sort of throws my brain in to an anxious, frantic, realist, argumentative place. And I don’t know if I’m quite ready to move on from the days disappointment, but it’s time to let it go a little bit.
We are not just the sum of our actions. And sometimes things are more difficult then they outwardly appear. Or sometimes we just don’t feel strong, or motivated or ready to tackle challenges.
Right now I feel pretty low, but I know that if I start tackling those problems I’ve been putting off I’ll start to feel better. I know because it’s happened many times before, and that I will be able to gain a feeling of worth and achievement that will help me forgive myself for past mistakes.
Maybe it is too late to do everything perfectly, but I can still set reasonable priories, and no matter how much I say I don’t feel like doing something or that I just don’t want to it’s ultimately my choice what I do with my time, and what attitude I decide to face my decisions with.
So the moment is now and the plan is this.
1. Finish recording activities in my Calendar because it will help me achieve a sense of piece in relation to remembering what I do, and hopefully keep track of my time (whether fixating on recording day to day details is important is not important tonight – lots of people journal, and recording and reflecting can be very positive)
2. My materials assignment because I can do it, and it isn’t a super long assignment.
3. Reassess because I have another assignment to do, but my health is important too, and having the option to decide whether I want to complete it or accept the consequences of not completing it will help me reclaim the control that I feel I’ve lost when I’m overwhelmed.
This is reasonable. I am okay. I can do this.
Thanks for helping me regain my motivation tumblr. <3
It feels like all the work I’ve done on coop jobs ever has been for naught. Or very minor at the least.
This is unfortunate and frustrating.
“We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations.”
– John Green, Looking for Alaska
I just found this watercolour I did a few months back.
File under: Things to think when the realization of mortality causes extreme panic
It really is a realization all over again every time it grips me.
I know I broke my own damn rule but fuck.
theres no words.
I am trying very hard not to take things personally. This does not come easily.
If everyone contributes, things get done, yet even when it feels like no one else is contributing, it’s still worth doing what you can, because if no one did anything because no one else was doing anything absolutely nothing would get done. The more people who decide to make positive impact on the world, the better.
that blogging helps me deal with any OCD tendencies I feel better than anything else ever has. Plus, it makes me happy 🙂
Unfortunately, it doesn’t assist with procrastinating, so I’ll be going to make dinner now.
for the music teacher. He said I had a good ear and a good range. I sang a part of Cannonball, pretty well I believe, since my voice was warmed up from two hours of practising Christmas carols. He also asked me how I was doing, which is always nice to hear, and I’m happy to report all is well. I told him how happy I am to be in choir, but he said he already knew, I always look happy to be there. I’m getting very very excited for footloose, and hoping desperately for a singing part. Please please pleaseeee. In fact, I’m going to finish memorizing my lines for Treasure Island this weekend, to show my seriousness.
Wish me luck 🙂
Sometimes just walking down the hall, I feel brave, just for looking at peoples faces, staring at their eyes, just because so few do. It’s tunnel vision to the extreme out there, and you can watch without being watched, because honestly, most of the time people don’t seem that interested in one another. I guess thats what made it easy for me, to find friends, fit in, stand out, because the vast majority of the population simply isn’t making much effort to stand out, to be noticed, to meet new people. People have their friends, and thats safe and easy, so why bother? I like to watch people, see sweet moments, happy ones. I like to see what you can learn from a glance, and who’s faces stick. There’s three couples on my stretch of hall, two who actually spend time there. In physics theres a boy who would make a great super hero in disguise in an obscure, kick-ass graphic novel. There’s the neon goth girl, in a mask of makeup, tall hair, and a collection of neon and black attire. There are timid grade 9 boys, cautiously walking girls to classes, lonely girls lost in the crowds, and bunch of boys laughing and pretending to fight one another.
I like people who break the rules, talk to people they don’t know, interact with teachers, admit what they like and don’t like, sing out loud and dance down the streets.