Tag Archives: ramble ramble

I took a bunch of photos today on my walk with Maya and James and Grandma and it was beautiful and sunny out and everything and everyone was pretty but I am using the internet from my phone so I will upload the rest later. I picked this one to upload partly cause Maya is so pretty and charming and photogenic so I have a ton of good ones of her and partly because I was using it to show Grandpa a bunch of stuff you can do with raw photos. I edited a few while showing him stuff but the other ones mostly had stuff wrong with them (white balance, overexposed etc) while this one was already one of my best shots and it was more like just turning the volume up versus actually changing the mood significantly or correcting stuff. I am excited to do more photography due to my photography class this term as well.

Anyways, it was a great day.

Resolve

Today I slept in.

I got sucked into the internet and put off tasks with tight deadlines and my own organizational plans.

I find that once something has been put off for even a short period of time it’s much harder to start.

MUCH harder.

And today I have been beating myself up about this whole process, despite not feeling great physically, and dealing with some anxiety.

The phrase “it’s never too late” sort of throws my brain in to an anxious, frantic, realist, argumentative place. And I don’t know if I’m quite ready to move on from the days disappointment, but it’s time to let it go a little bit.

We are not just the sum of our actions. And sometimes things are more difficult then they outwardly appear. Or sometimes we just don’t feel strong, or motivated or ready to tackle challenges.

Right now I feel pretty low, but I know that if I start tackling those problems I’ve been putting off I’ll start to feel better. I know because it’s happened many times before, and that I will be able to gain a feeling of worth and achievement that will help me forgive myself for past mistakes.

Maybe it is too late to do everything perfectly, but I can still set reasonable priories, and no matter how much I say I don’t feel like doing something or that I just don’t want to it’s ultimately my choice what I do with my time, and what attitude I decide to face my decisions with.

So the moment is now and the plan is this.

1. Finish recording activities in my Calendar because it will help me achieve a sense of piece in relation to remembering what I do, and hopefully keep track of my time (whether fixating on recording day to day details is important is not important tonight – lots of people journal, and recording and reflecting can be very positive)

2. My materials assignment because I can do it, and it isn’t a super long assignment.

3. Reassess because I have another assignment to do, but my health is important too, and having the option to decide whether I want to complete it or accept the consequences of not completing it will help me reclaim the control that I feel I’ve lost when I’m overwhelmed.

This is reasonable. I am okay. I can do this.

Thanks for helping me regain my motivation tumblr. <3