Love the message and the art
Spread this around, only good can come of it
In pop culture, girls who crush hopelessly on guys they can’t have are painted as just that – hopeless. Over and over again, we’re taught that girls who openly express sexual or romantic interest in guys who don’t want them are pitiable, stalkerish, desperate, crazy bitches. More often than not, they’re also portrayed as ugly – whether physically, emotionally or both – in order to further establish their undesirability as an objective fact. Both narratively and, as a consequence, in real life, men are given free reign to snub, abuse, mislead and talk down to such women: we’re raised to believe that female desire is unseemly, so that any consequent shaming is therefore deserved. There is no female-equivalent Friend Zone terminology because, in the language of our culture, a man’s romantic choices are considered sacrosanct and inviolable. If a girl has been told no, then she has only herself to blame for anything that happens next – but if a woman says no, then she must not really mean it. Or, if she does, she shouldn’t: the rejected man is a universally sympathetic figure, and everyone from moviegoers to platonic onlookers will scream at her to just give him a chance, as though her rejection must always be unfounded rather than based on the fact that he had a chance, and blew it. And even then, give him another one! The pathos of Single Nice Guys can only be eased by pity-sex with unwilling women that blossoms into romance!
— Lamenting the Friendzone, or: The Nice Guy Approach to Perpetuating Sexist Bullshit (via ignify)
Part of what I failed to express last time a ‘friend zone’ discussion came up.
This was definitely one of the things that most surprised me about university. Especially girls calling each other sluts, or girls even defending themselves that they weren’t sluts when they mentioned anything sexual.
Like any good 50 cent song, biology is just about sex, and not dying.
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of hearing this word. What a woman chooses to do is her choice. Why are people so bent on how other people spend their time? Are we really to the point of blaming one’s hair colour on their level of ability to make what is CONSIDERED the “right” choice? Apparently if one aspect of your life is revealing clothing and promiscuity than that is what DEFINES you. Yes, many women lead a questionable lifestyle, but it is only questionable when they are doing something mentally and emotionally unhealthy that contributes to an emotional/mental instability – an instability probably at the fault of someone else, like parents or exposure to abuse or sexual exploitation when they were younger. Why must we insist on singling them out?
I don’t remember ever judging someone about sleeping around, unless I knew it wasn’t something they really wanted and they were my friend. Did I judge a girl for just dating this guy from my high school for a week, JUST for sex? No, I laughed it off, because he wanted to sleep with a blonde and she simply enjoys sex. WHO THE HELL AM I TO JUDGE? They both got what they wanted and everyone heard about it, because they CHOSE to have friends who are blabbermouths. So what….I have heard worse things. I am not going to spend my afternoon analyzing it just so…
I CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF (?really?)…
because that’s all it really is about. And I hope the people that judge get the satisfaction they need. If not, start justifying your lifestyle for yourself, and find something better to do with your time…
I was just thinking I’d write something along these lines if I didn’t have finals. The way girls talk about one another and themselves is one of the most surprising things I’ve encountered at university. Mostly it just makes me a bit sad that so many perfectly lovely people are conditioned to think that if a girl sleeps with multiple people that decreases her worth. Even more surprising, that girls feel like they have to explain behaviour such as having more than one boyfriend over a period as long as a year, or having lots of friends that are guys, or being in some way romantically or sexual involved with a guy who isn’t there ‘boyfriend.’ None of these behaviours are even remotely ‘slutty’ and yet are often referred to as if they are. There is an overwhelming pressure on girls to only engage in monogamous long term relationships from a young age, which is just ridiculous. It’s okay to be unsure, to try out different relationships, to just have fun. I’m not denying that there are girls who are more comfortable in a devoted and exclusive relationship. There are boys who prefer that as well, and that’s fantastic and lovely and all the rest, but it doesn’t and shouldn’t dis-value other more casual relationships.
In the case that someone is acting in a way you think is unhealthy or is hurting them, the best way to show your concern would be to talk to them about it, in an open and honest way. Throwing accusations around simply isn’t helpful.
I guess the last thing I would like to add is something that’s been on my mind a lot as of late. There is not one way to live, or one set of perfect goals that you should go out seeking to achieve. There are literally billions of ways to live your life, and many of them are beautiful and meaningful and worthwhile. So why not focus on your priorities in stead of judging other people on theirs. After all, if you disagree or are upset or disappointed by what others choose to do why focus on that, when you could be spending time on things that do matter to you and empower you. If their actions are not hurting you, the only other reason I really see for getting involved is if you feel concern for them, in which case refer to the previous paragraph.