“I realized two things from an early age – I was insane and had some kind of comedic thing going on. My brain was wired to think about things in terms of how funny they were.”
I can get my head turned by a good-looking guy as much as the next girl. But sexy doesn’t impress me. Smart impresses me, strength of character impresses me. But most of all, I am impressed by kindness. Kindness, I think, comes from learning hard lessons well, from falling and picking yourself up. It comes from surviving failure and loss. It implies an understanding of the human condition, forgives its many flaws and quirks. When I see that in someone, it fills me with admiration.
It is very strange to look at pictures of people you saw nearly every day, or at least every week day, of your life for 12 or more years and have there features become somewhat unfamiliar to you. No longer tied so tightly to a personality, but appearance that is less biased to past feelings and shared experience, good or bad. Seeing how those we grew up with could be considered handsome or pretty if they were just pictures instead of children you grew and fought and played and learned with.
It’s a strange thing, memories.
My copy of tfios has yet to show up, and I haven’t gotten my hands on lola and the boy next door yet either, so today I made the cold, although short, trek to the library. I got a few books, but the one I read is Story of a Girl by Sara Zarr. What can I say except that I sobbed through the majority of the story. The story brought up some of my own fears and I felt myself close to panicking at a few points, but I stayed okay. It’s the story of a girl Deanne Lambert, who slept with her brothers best friend when she was 13 and he was 17. After almost a year of this, her dad caught them together, and he never looked at her the same since. Now she’s 16 and the boys in her school treat her like public property, her brother is a new father with his own problems, and her two best friends are in love with one another. But they make it through you know? There isn’t a flowery ending or a grand conclusion, just small steps taken to try and make things right and move on.
I don’t like hating things, I don’t like to say I hate things even, but I hate that teenagers treat each other like this. It’s so incredibly heartbreaking. What screwed Deanne’s life was not that she had sex when she was 13. I’m not saying I advocate 13 year olds getting it on, but it wasn’t the ugly thing that it was portrayed at school. She just wanted to feel chosen really, to feel closeness with someone, to have their attention, and that is not a bad thing. What screwed up her life is the way the story was twisted and spread and lingered over, by her classmates and her own father, until she started to believe that was all she was. Pathetic. Trashy. A slut. Yet she wasn’t, she was just a girl, trying to find compassion and love. It’s true that she didn’t find love in Tommy’s 17 year old arms, but that’s all she was really looking for. What right does anyone else have to judge her for that. What right does anyone really have to judge anyone. We just go around in our lives not knowing how to be or what it’s like to be anyone else. But trying to know, trying to feel, trying to understand, I think that’s pretty much the most important thing any of us really ever do. Now I’m tearing up again, but hey, that’s okay. Sometimes I just get scared that we’re not doing it right, we’re wasting all these precious moments we could make things better, but then I take a breath, and say, the only way we can go is forward, so we might as well embrace it and do our best.
And be grateful.
I am so grateful to this author for stirring up these feelings within me so that I am reminded of the things that are most important. So that I can remember to live my life the best I can, even if I’m still scared some of the time. Breaths, one, two three. Breate in and out. I’m also grateful for John Green’s book tfios, even though I haven’t read it yet, because I can feel in my heart from the general themes people have let slip, and the response overall, that it will be a positive and beautiful thing in my life at this time.
It’s okay. Remember to be loving to people, even those who’s choices seem silly, or stupid, or wrong to you, because no matter how smart or experienced or right you are, you still don’t know.
I try to refrain from telling people to follow my blog, because I don’t want to badger my friends or focus on that sort of thing on my blog. I’d rather talk about art and philosophy and the goodness of things.
It still makes me happy to get new followers.
However, it makes me even happier to hear about friends or classmates who read my blog without even my knowing, whether it’s for prof quotes, or to check up on my life or whether they like the articles or poetry I sometimes I post. I think this is because it reminds me of a network of people who care about me and/or value the ideas and thoughts and images I put out here. It just gives me the warm and fuzzies 🙂
I must admit though, what pleases me the most is when someone whose blog I read and opinion I respect follows my blog. That can light up my whole day, because, as much as I love sharing things with the people I already know and care about, I also love creating content that speaks to people who haven’t met me, and the possibility for new friendships that creates.
So thank you.
so here’s a drawing I did, of a couple of my webcomic characters.
It’s going to be part of a card eventually, and theres a reasonably high likelyhood of the person the card is for seeing this, but I liked it so much I had to show it.
also, I’m definitely getting better at poses/positions of people. I could never have drawn anything remotely like this a year ago. I love it!
This is so good James!
My results of my most recent doodle game! I’ve loved playing this ever since I was little. Basically, draw a scribble, or ideally convince someone else to draw one for you, and then try and turn it into a drawing using as many of those lines as possible. I like to flesh mine out. The easiest thing to draw is faces, something about our brains just makes finding faces in random shapes easy. However, I did manage to get one little sporty person in this round too!