“Good Morning Sexy Readers!

It’s another sexy term, a brand new year, and for some of our fantastic new first-years, a whole new life awaits! Greetings and welcome to the school filled with the sexiest people alive. I am Chad Sexington, haunt of the satire and randomosity page. Pourer of maple-flavored wisdom and lumberjack lore, many of you will stop reading now, but wait, for within these words is contained the knowledge of years collected by manly lumberjacks since the dawn of time itself.  Everyone knows that it isn’t easy coming to a new city, let alone a new school. Things you once knew are gone, lost in the pile of “back home I had ___ and knew ___” nostalgia that everyone keeps locked in their closet of memories.  But fear not,  it is a tough time starting from scratch, and many of you may think that you are at level 0 of a social support structure, but soon you will realize just how rich you are. For to think you are defeated is to make it so.  And now, in the style of my usual old-timey man ramblings, allow me to dispense what the satire column usually holds for you during the frosh issue of the IW: my version of what I wish I had known when I arrived here. So without further adieu, I present: Chad Sexingtons Seven Simple Suggestions for Starting School.

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4)      Study in a way that works for you. You’re going to meet all kinds of people here, and some of those people are like the savant’s of lore, who can read something once and recall it indefinitely. They understand everything the first time, and have no need to spend hours in the library practicing questions and memorizing things.  Chances are, you are not this person.  Study and learn in a way that works for you. Ask for help. If you learn better by reading the notes, do it. If you learn best by listening to your prof, get someone to take notes for you (buying them coffee can help). Get a support group. Most assignments are impossible to do by yourself, so a study-buddy or 5 is one of the best investments you can make to save yourself from banging your head on the desk.

5)      This isn’t High School. You are not a special unique flower. Self motivation is the skill that causes more people to fail than any other. People can preach this until they’re blue in the face and say it until they sound like a tree chipper grinding up a tough spruce, but some of you are never going to learn until you learn the hard way.   You can’t study for 15 minutes and expect to pass. You can’t hand things in whenever you feel like it.  You can’t wait for someone to remind you to read your notes. Nobody is going to get on your ass to do your homework. You’re going to need to learn to grow up and motivate yourself quick, or you’re going to get left behind and nobody is going to save you, because as much as Engineering is a family, it’s also a cutthroat competition. Everyone else that is here had to pass the same entry requirements as you, so they’re at least as competent, if not more so that you are.

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Remember not to panic, and..

Until next time,

Stay Sexy.”

(I had to resist copy and pasting the whole article in, this is seriously brilliant and funny, click the link)