The deepest reason I have for wanting to be a science is a combination of fear and need to understand. I feel regular jolts in my day to day life – what I am experiencing, what is consciousness, time? How can I think and feel now and not be able to sometime in the distant incomprehensible future? The very thought of mortality is terrifying. However it propels me to question things, to wonder about the very structure of the universe. How can their be anything without someone or something to observe it? Would it matter if there was or wasn’t anything without sentient beings of some sort to observe? And while these questions may seem more science fiction than of this world I sometimes feel like our everyday actions and existences start to lose meaning if we don’t bring depth ourselves. Whether it be depth of thought, feeling, purpose. And only in this last year have I started to find the words to express these nagging out-of-place feelings whose stirrings have plagued me for years. I can remember the very moment they first struck me, and how I struggled to control or understand them somehow, with little success. Now I have gained some tools and guidance through philosophy, psychology, astronomy, all the sciences. The same fields which most likely led me to feel this way in the first place. Although I am still unsettled, I am becoming more ready to question even my questions, to look deeper into things that frighten and intrigue me. How does time work? What is scale and where do humans fit on it? Sometimes it is very hard to sort through all the clutter of our own personalities to find our core, what we’re truly made of? Extraction of our will from the manipulations of environment and circumstance that equally shape us. But I believe this is central to myself, the desire for deep understanding, for the type of peace that comes with that understanding.