Tag Archives: rambling thoughts

I just realized

I really miss conferences.

A lot.

I mean school is a lot of work and I’ve been finding some time for artsy stuff lately since I was lacking that last semester, and well physical activity is still not even in the attempted pile, but there are other things I miss too.

I really like school (except this week) and I like the network of friends I’ve built in my residence, through my program, from frosh week, and St. Paul’s but I miss the type of collaboration and projects that resulted from being involved in YAC and CBT. I mean, I really love graphic facilitation, conflict resolution, public speaking, leadership training, and having a group of friends who are into that sort of thing.

My friendships here are mostly built on inside jokes, friendliness and nerdy-ness. Which is great because I have a lot in common in different areas with these friends, mostly things falling in the nerd related spectrum such as BBT and excitement over astrophysics and SEMs, but also occasionally feminism and music and slam poetry.

God I love slam poetry.

So it’s like 1:30 in the morning and I’m not sure if I was getting to a point other than that different types of relationships with different types of people have different types of value that aren’t necessarily comparable and can be equally amazing. Variety is nice. There’s a lot of things I want to do and figuring out priorities is tricky because right now I feel like writing a lot, and in general lately I’ve wanted to do creative things but exams have taken priority (and sleep is taking priority now.)

OH YEAH I DID HAVE A POINT. I think one of the reasons I’m so enthralled by the whole nerdfighter movement and community is because I would like more of those types of connections with people right now. The projects and decreasing world suck and doing things for the sake of awesome and working together + nerdiness ad social awareness and music. It’s just so many things I love and it makes me want to get more involved building bridges with people like that on the internet. I mean, it’s revolutionary and brilliant and so so positive.

Excuse this being unedited.

BED TIME

thoughts and feelings mixed together in to a mission

When I say I want to live a hard life I’m being 100% truthful. I mean, I don’t really want to live a hard life in an everyday sense that I’d rather things fall in to place and be happy all the time and all. That’s all jolly good. But on a deeper, and more important level, I want to struggle. I want to feel things in extremes, do thing in extremes, shift the balance of my perspective so that I can see the beauty in every moment, so I appreciate all that there is that is good, so I recognize a need to fight against all that isn’t. I want a life that gives me a perspective so loud that I am compelled to act and think and learn, and create impact. Spend time on things with meaning. When I say I want to live a hard life I mean I want to live a meaningful, interesting, complex life, and that I believe that is impossible without challenges, barriers, difficulties to struggle against. All these things make you grow, reassess, learn, get better, and that’s what I want. So although I would love to watch tv and take easy classes and all of that, I don’t think those desires are as important or as strong as the ones that guide me to do more. To always always always be in motion. and then stop abruptly. To mix things up and do things that are scary and be foolish, which can really be a type of bravery. No I do not want to suffer, but I’m willing to for a good cause. I will cherish complications despite hurt and confusion they may cause. I will accomplish all of this, not by looking for trouble, but by always trying to do more, be more, by trying new things, exploring ideologies, trusting people too much, loving, loving, loving, and sometimes just being. This whirring in my head and heart is summarized nicely by a dear, dear man.

“Live life.” -Rod Osiowy

So now I’ve set myself this challenge. I hope it’ll keep me on track in a good way.

Weather and Personality Types

Today is stormy and wet and there is thunder, yet it’s still warm. This is my favourite weather along with spring and perhaps hot baked summer days in cold water. Wildness nourishes me. My friend has been trying to ‘type’ me recently. I’m not exactly sure what that means aside from the fact there are types of people according to some sort of personality test based on qualities and attributes. My friends are pretty excited about it though and I don’t mind them trying in the slightest, even though I think I’m pretty unique. I haven’t always fit sow well, and this case seems to be no different. They are struggling. One of them has decided I am a type I forget the name of aside from the fact rational is in the title and my friend has only come across two of them before, one of them being a teacher I have conflicted feeling about. Anyways, I was asked a bunch of questions and most of them seemed to fit in pretty well with my world view, so it’s not like this is completely inaccurate. One thing I was asked, or more like told, is that I need to be around people, a lot. It’s true, but here is also where I lose faith in these kinds of tests, because as much as I need to be around people, I also need nature, I need stars and lighting and wet grass. I need lakes and mountains and to get away from electronics every once in a while (ironic, seeing that I’m writing this on my laptop). I never feel more inspired then when outside. I never feel more at peace either. Today  I ran out on the wet lawn and danced like a little kid, spinning and prancing, and for a moment, when I glanced down at the placed I’d trampled the grass, I thought, there are impressions of joy. Basically, I’m glad it’s finally raining.